Saturday, October 7, 2017

Life-Career

On 19th of September, I have a thought of  'I should write something here.' But seeing the latest post was on 10th, I aborted my intention. And suddenly BAMMMM 6th of October. LOL WHAT IS THIS TIME DO FLIES HA



I supposed-to sleep right now since Im working tomorrow. Ye, kerja, on Saturday. The fact that working 6 days a week instead of 5, made me hate myself. But the fact that I love the time-flexible as working on site, I guess this is not that bad. I dont have to wait until 1pm for my lunch. Didnt stuck in the office 24/7. Going here and there every week. Not that bad.



I am in the middle of transition to a new place, which I could said it was, unpredictable. Almost a year with this project, starting from sub-structure, currently in super-structure phase, it is a pleasant journey. Jap, this is boring. Kenapa aku menulis perkara yang membosankan begini.



Ive met wonderful people. My clique not that annoying. Some might give me headache when it comes to works, but personally we are good. My superior, and boss. Did I ever mention that Ive almost never get scolded by them? Tak pernah tinggi suara. Tak pernah marah gila babi. Kalau ada buat silap they will teach me properly. Guide me. And even explain segala jenis detail yang aku perlu ambil tahu.




I feel -- blessed.



When Ive got another offer, and to be honest they offer me with quite amazing increment, Im shookthed. Biasanya terus rasa this company wil give me so much benefit and money and career development and blablabla. But my very first thought was --- how am I going to leave my clique & boss????? Pity my boss.



Guys trust me, our client is annoying.



Especially dengan hadirnya new head from client team. I hate them when it comes to works. But personally, again, I layan diorang okay je. I guess I am that proefessional thou. Puji diri sendiri level confident nak mati. Kakakaka.



So patutnya I happy, like hello bye you annoying client. Tapi kalau cakap pasal kerja, I think semua client pun cerewet, kan?




But my superior's words hit me -- as I asked their opinion and what step should I take, next.

'Jangan fikir pasal orang. Jangan fikir pasal bos. Jangan fikir pasal company. Fikir pasal your career goals. You offer your labor & time of course you need to gain something. A good salary, and new knowledge. So just go, jangan fikir pasal lain dah.'



To considering their words (yes Ive 2 superior who I respect the most since they are supportive and of course la power gila bab kerja ni), I think Im being clingy. They even discussing & searching (they said 'bagi kami bersidang kejap' over gila ok) about the company nak tengok okay ke tak. I rasa, terharu. Dan sedih. KO INGAT SENANG KE NAK DAPAT SUPERIOR TAK KEDEKUT ILMU SUPORTIVE TAK PERNAH MARAH ENGKO LIKE HELLO. And now they are no longer my superior since both of them went to a good company which I wish one day they will call me to join them HAHAHA.




Whoever going to be their anak buah in future, you guys are sooooooooooooooooo lucky I tell you. Lucky dapat boss yang sangat concern about your knowledge in this industry, willing to guide, even boleh sembang2 kosong & beramah mesra. Wuuuuu. I hate you guys. I need to sort my thought and decision, now. Selamat malam.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Mind Bugging

It's 2.15am, in the morning. To woke up at this hour really not a good thing. Nothing is good when it pass 12am. Your mind entering the melodramatic zone after this hour.


There was/is something keep bugging me since last night. The current news regarding a father who raped his 15y/o daughter, since 2 years ago, everyday, thrice a day, without missed. Well acturally since the news came out a week ago, my mind was fucked up.


Someone that you trust, someone that you love, someone who supposed to protected you in all cause, betrayed you. And the first time he did that to her, during their umrah. This is the most fucked up fact that my mind refused to brain it properly.


Dekat tanah suci kau buat benda terkutuk macamtu?


To be honest, if, I was in her shoes, I might be questioning my faith on Him. Mana Tuhan, masa aku perlukan Kau? Mana? Kenapa out of many places, dekat situ dia kena. Which is the main evil is her father. Youve destroyed her life.


I wonder how traumatic she is, self-conflict, trust issues, hates, doubts and nightmares. Aku taktau macamana kuat budak perempuan tu kena jadi. Dik, I hope you will find your way to stand still, and moving forward with your life. Im praying for that bastard to rotten in hell.


And I hope, no one, in this world, facing this kind of life ever. Aku yang membaca pun jadi depressed gila babi, inikan yang kena hadap. Tolonglah manusia jahat atas muka bumi ni semua mati kena panah dengan petir.



Till then, goodnight.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Comfort Zone

Semalam Ive this kind of conversation with Gong & Ida, pasal being private over social media. How uncomfortable we are when our workmates asking for our social media sebab nak follow/add. Ida even lied to her workmates yang dia dah deactivated acc fb just because dia taknak kena add. Keji gila okay! Hahaha.



Tapi aku pun sama. Gong apetah lagi. Ko tengok social media dia semua friends sikit nak mampus. Macam tiada guna ko ada social media kahkahkah. Circle dia lagi kecik compare aku dengan Ida. Kira kalau susun carta circle of friends, aku kategori paling ramai circles lah compare dengan diorang dua. Aku rasa macam tak, kawan aku sikit je. Tapi ayat diorang; Za, kawan kau kat semua tempat ada za. Kitorang sampai taktau bila je ko takde kawan kat tempat lain. TAPI AKU DAH KEEP MY CIRCLE SMALL AS POSSIBLE KOT ISH. 



Kenapa? Sebab bagi aku, lagi besar circle kau, lagi penat kau nak catch up. Lagi banyak drama kau nak kena hadapi. Lagi-lagi kalau circles tu besar, and ramai perempuan. Mampus. Tapi disebabkan aku kategori extrovert (kot), ikut mood jugak la. Aku selalu ended up creating new friends wherever I went. Macam, aku takde niat pun. Tapi orang cepat rasa selesa (?) dengan aku. Im being myself, orang ajak sembang, aku sembang. Orang tu jenis banyak cakap, aku dengar dan iyakan. Rasa boleh ngam, aku sembang macam biasa. Aku jenis takkan start perbualan, tapi once orag tu start, aku boleh follow their flow. Tu apa aku rasa la.




Tapi, masalahnya, bila aku jadi ramah, orang akan rasa, okay dia ni boleh keep in touch selalu. In real life yes, tapi kalau nak contact, sembang dalam whatsapp, social media, no. Sebab aku pemalas nak reply benda menaip, melainkan kau manusia yang aku selesa & ada topik untuk disembangkan. Kadang-kadang okay la tanya khabar, tu pun akan berakhir dengan perbualan tergantung sebab aku tak reti tutup perbualan and say 'Goodbye', so aku akan biar sahaja. Bila taktau nak reply apa, aku biar je. Ataupun bila bagi aku, orang tu tak menunjukkan minat untuk berbual, so aku malas reply & nampak aku je beria tanya soalan.




Kira comfort zone aku ialah dalam circle yang kecil. Kalau kau wujud dalam ketiga-tiga social media aku, facebook-instagram-twitter, maknanya aku selesa dengan kau. Paling kritikal instagram & twitter la. Fb tu takde apa sangat. Takde post apa-apa pun.




Some might said, ala bukan apa pun. Tak salah pun ada kawan ramai. Social media je pun. Tapi bagi aku, kami, tak. Aku pentingkan kualiti over kuantiti. Scan circles yang akan bagi impak positif dalam hidup adalah amat penting ya rakan-rakan. Jenis kuat drama, emosional, cakap belakang, tak perlu kot. Oh, differentiate between kerja dan personal life juga penting. So bagi aku, amatlah penting untuk aku mengelak rakan-rakan kerja dimama-mana laman sosial aku. Masa kerja yes, sampai rumah, bye.





Everyone have different thoughts bila bab being private in life. Personally, Im not a fan of exposing too much on social media. Sebab aku suka over thinking & tau mesti akan ada tukang judge. So daripada rasa insecure, baik aku tak payah post apa-apa. Gituh. Aku juga perlu memikirkan semula kata-kata Ida & Mah semalam.




'Kau tak boleh circles banyak, penat nak keep up la, malas nak keep in touch la. Tapi eveytime kau pergi tempat baru mesti ko buat kawan baru. Ramai lak tu.' HAHAHAHA.



Sian aku. Buat kawan pun kena marah.........Takpelah, tu kategori networking. Kenalan ramai takpe, senang apa-apa hal. K gerak lu.





Salam Aidiladha!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Draft yang ke-4

Banyak gila aku draft entry. Dah taip halfway, malas. Momentum hilang sebab gatal p buat benda lain. Tekan close. Dasar.




Dahla harini datang kerja lambat. Like lambat gila I should kill myself instead went to work. Dan harini ada training. My whoooooole day rasa screwed gila sebab sampai site lambat. Sampai workmates tak berani nak bercakap dengan aku. Lol sorry  aku kalau penat aku memang malas nak bercakap dengan orang. Aku buat kerja aku je. Dekat dahi tu macam ada tulisan, dont disturb Im not in mood. Training tu makan half day, straight. Taknak mengantuk pulak aku. Dengan semalam takleh tidur. Dengan masa training pun Client tergedik-gedik mintak document macam tak reti sabar.





Tak, sebenarnya hari-hari pun busy. Tapi sebab harini emosi aku tak stabil, aku memang tak bercakap. Nak gelak pun tak larat. Padan muka overthinking lagi.




Lepas habis training tadi, aku percaya yang job aku ni boleh develop OCD kat aku. Hahahaha. Dahla since duduk site, habit aku ialah cuci tandas sebelum guna. AKU BENCI GILA GUNA TANDAS KOTOR. Walaupun tandas tu tandas perempuan, dan berkunci, dan site aku cuma ada dua orang sahaja perempuan, aku tetap cuci everyday. Tanah bertapak dalam toilet pun aku emo walhal tanah tu dari kasut aku sendiri. Site kot, memang la penuh tanah. *pandang diri sendiri atas bawah*




Since my job is to control the works quality, semua benda aku jadi concern. Tile pasang tak balance pun aku emo. Faham tak? Kau pasang plug senget lagilah aku emo.






Damn jap Bighit post something.






Aku. benci. Bighit. LIKE BENCI GILA. APABENDA ENGORANG TENGAH BUAT NI DRAMA KE MOVIE KE OH MY GOD I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.





Abort mission. Tak jadi sambung ranting aku nak g tenangkan pikiran (dibaca nak tengok balik video tu). Bye.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Small talks

Gong : Kau perasan tak semua kawan kau, kau kenalkan kat aku? Semua kawan kau aku kenal.


Me : Haah. Aku baru perasan aku selalu heret kau g memana


Gong : Kan. Aku takde pun kenalkan kawan aku kat kau.


Me : Yela sebab kawan kau sapa je? Ko manada kawan Didi jela yang aku kenal pun, sebab dia je kawan ko selain aku???


Gong : Natang betul.




Gong tak boleh nak deny since it is true. Matilah ko kalau aku kawin ko takde kawan dah kawan la dengan Didi sampai mereput hahahahahabye





Thursday, August 3, 2017

An Emergency Call

Just woke up from sleep. Yes, I fell asleep after maghrib and constantly in between half-awake-half-asleep until 10. It was a long day. Well at least, for me.




12:00 PM

Phone ringing. Ibu's name appeared on my screen. Thought it is my lunch time, perhaps she want to ask me lunch at home since we've got guests. But as I answered the call, her voice stuttering. Asking if Im busy, I should go to Hospital Kajang. I heard 'Abah' in between her stuttering voice.

Bruh before this if my mom ask me to go to the Hospital Kajang, I am totally fine. She's working there, it is either there was no one to fetch her or she want me to bring something for her. But this day, as she's already a full time pension, nothing goods when you heard 'Hospital Kajang'.


I asked, why? 'I cannot talk,' - she said, about to cry. She passed the phone to our guest (a makcik). 'Nana, pergi Hospital Kajang kejap boleh? Abah tadi tangan kena parang. Ibu call kakak abang Nana semua tak angkat phone. Cuba Nana pergi tengok kejap.'





















Wut.

















KENA PARANG AKU TERUS IMAGINE TANGAN PUTUS.









I can feel blood rushing outta my face. Pale. Took car keys and phone and sprint out from my site. On my way to Hospital I called my brother in law asking him to tell kakak. Dont do this kids. Drive and using cellphone bahaya okay tapi I dalam keadaan rushing so I maafkan diri sendiri. Lol.







Sampai Hospital Kajang, I called Abah and he was like 'Tak payah lah....takde pape pun.....dekat emergency ni tunggu doktor.....'.Told him I am already there dont tak payah kan me hahaha. Arrived there and I saw him at waiting area. He is totally fine. His wound wrapped with bandage but there was dry blood around his hand. I lega.









LEGA GILA LA JARI JE YANG TERCEDERA I DAH BAYANG BUKAN-BUKAN KOT TADI IBU LA NI SO DRAMATIC.







So I waited there with him. And guess what, Abah bawak motor pergi Hospital dengan sebelah tangan. 'Bawak kereta ingat ada parking ke masa macamni?' - which is true penat aku emo pusing cari parking tadi. I dont know nak marah ke nak kena thankful since there was no one at home during the incident to drive him to hospital, so Abah selamatkan diri sendiri. Hahahaha eeei.





4 jahitan jugak la. Gua dahla penakut tengok luka injury etc ni. Seram okay terbelah besar juga jari Abah. Ngeri tahu ngeri. Parang kot. Aound 2 PM settle ambik ubat, balik. Yes, Abah ride his motorcycle again. Refused to ride my car and let Along take his motor later. Hshshkahfjajs geram jer. Then I realized, this is soooo me last week. Degil. Taknak dengar cakap orang. Nak buat tu, nak jugak tak kira. Now I know I got it from my daddy. Lol.








As conclusion : my mom get panic easily. And I am totally like Abah. Tenang. HAHAHA.